Copyright © 2002-8 by Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
www.kevinfitzmaurice.com
"Do the absolute right thing anyway."
Cope

Ventilation


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Facing the false and misguided theory of ventilation as cure.

SOME FACTS

No one has ever died from the lack of expression of problems.

People have lived long lives without expressing feelings.

People have kept feelings to themselves for their entire life.

The expression of problems and emotions reinforces them more often than it helps to alleviate them.

There is no evidence that feelings build up and cause pressure that requires release.

There is only evidence that people collect evidence so that they can excuse blowing up.

There is only evidence that people collect evidence to feel justified in their anger.

There is only evidence that people collect evidence in order to feel certain they will win their case when they drop it on you.


TWO PROBLEMS

1) You have conflicting goals, which causes you to have uncompleted expression: unfinished business.

2) You have goals that cannot be completed because you lack the power and authority to complete them, which causes you to have uncompleted expression: unfinished business.


TWO SOLUTIONS

1) Align your goals with each other so that you goals are NOT in conflict: single eye, integrity, wholeness, to thine own self be true, oneness, simplicity, honest, direct, genuine.

2) Align your goals with reality: acceptance, coping, Serenity Prayer, humility, stop overcontrol, stop demandingness, peace.


WRONG VENTILATION

Expressing to control.

Studies show that the expression of anger leads to more NOT less anger. Why? Because when you express anger you feel self-righteous and so want to control even more.


RIGHT VENTILATION

Expressing to let go.

The goal is only to release, to let pass, to surrender, to let be, to let it go, to turn it over go God. In this case, the expression is the completion of the goal and NOT just an encouragement to continue with the unrealistic and-or conflicted goal.


SOLUTION

Have the right intention when you ventilate: to complete and let go.



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