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Preferences Over Shoulds Over Musts
SEARCH
DRINK
DISCOVER
DISCOVER
I tend to make my preferences into shoulds and my shoulds into musts.
In other words, I then to make my desires into rules and my rules into demands.
Since my musts are demands and I have little power and authority, I cause myself a lot of frustration by having demands that I cannot enforce.
For my own peace of mind, I will have more preferences than I have shoulds and I will have more shoulds than I have musts or demands.
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Preferences |
Shoulds |
Musts |
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prefer |
should / should not |
must / must not |
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wish |
ought to |
shall / shall not |
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want |
supposed to |
have to |
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desire |
had better / had best |
got to |
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like / like better / like best |
better / better not |
need to |
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lean toward / inclined toward |
best / best not |
necessities / no options |
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partial to / opt for |
behooves |
demands / forced to |
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think best (an advantage) |
would have |
insist / no alternative |
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my predilection |
could have |
exigencies / no choice |
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would rather / I’d rather |
woulda, coulda, shoulda |
commands / compelled to |
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would hope / would choose |
laws / rules |
impermissible / no debate |
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would select / would elect |
obligations |
prohibitions / no discussion |
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would favor / would fancy |
propriety |
directives / imperatives |
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would sooner / had sooner |
expectations |
suppression / inhibition |
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would do well to |
requirements |
repression / rejection |
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would be better or best if |
deadlines |
orders / just do it |
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would seem better or good if |
values / ideals |
my way / by the book |
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suggest / offer |
customs / mores |
don’t dare differ |
MESSAGE: First, demand less. Second, make less rules. Third, have fewer wishes. Fourth, practice more acceptance.
QUOTATIONS VARIOUS SOURCES
"Each of us does, in effect, strike a series of 'deals,' or compromises, between the wants and longings of the inner self, and an outer environment that offers certain possibilities and sets certain limitations."--Maggie Scarf
"What has always made a hell on earth is that man has tried to make it his heaven."--Friedrich Holderlin
"Happy is the man who early learns the wide chasm that lies between his wishes and his powers."--Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
"For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God."--I Peter 2:20
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Think: REBT's 11 Irrational Beliefs