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25 Interpersonal Relational Styles
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INTERPERSONAL RELATIONAL STYLES: 2 Intersecting Measures
The table below shows the 25 styles of relating that occur when you cross the measure of passive to aggressive with the measure of empathic to narcissistic.
|
STYLES |
PASSIVE |
PASSIVE- |
ASSERTIVE |
AGGRESSIVE- |
AGGRESSIVE |
|
EMPATHIC |
(1) submissive, overly kind, sweet to a fault, sickly sweet |
(2) concerned but sneaks in digs, complaints within compliments |
(3) counselor, teacher, parent, role-model, directive |
(4) overly directive, advice giving, tells you what to do before listening |
(5) smothering, know-it-all, overprotective |
|
SYMPATHETIC |
(6) feels sorry for you and helpless too |
(7) feels sorry for you but also blames you |
(8) listens, offers support |
(9) political worker, complains and whines for you |
(10) tries to fix your problems, social worker |
|
APATHETIC |
(11) no interest, no comment, no opinion, no care |
(12) innuendo about your stupid caring |
(13) explains why there is no reason to care |
(14) sarcastic about your caring |
(15) says you are stupid for caring |
|
SELF-CENTERED |
(16) avoids conflicts, worries about self-interests |
(17) crafty in getting what they want from you |
(18) pretends to care about what you want to get what they want |
(19) finds indirect ways to get what they want in any situation |
(20) finds reasons why what they want must always come first |
|
NARCISSISTIC |
(21) withdrawn, escapist, self-stimulation, uses drugs alone |
(22) always after what they want in sneaky ways, first impulse is to bend the rules |
(23) always asking for what they want even when you asked first |
(24) sabotage, back stabbing, gossip, politicking, uses your troubles to advance themselves |
(25) anger addict, monster, criminal, abuser, dominator, manipulator, whiner |
Notice how the opposites attract each other in relationships in order to complement and complete each other. For example, the narcissistic-aggressive will seek out an empathic-passive. Furthermore, even if you are NOT the opposite type, you can feel hooked to respond from that place by someone who relates to you strongly from their own style. Additionally, in long-term relationships, such as in marriages, styles tend to become extreme even if they did NOT start out that way. As an actual case in point, two equal partners in a relationship ended up with one as the dominate partner even to the point of that dominate partner silencing the other: "He never says anything at home," this despite the fact that he is a prominent attorney and both outspoken and assertive when away from the home.
Note how both measures are based on the 5 Thinking Positions.
Also compare the table Passive to Aggressive.
QUOTATIONS VARIOUS SOURCES
"Two monologues do not make a dialogue."--Jeff Daly
"Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness."--Margaret Millar
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."--Dr. Seuss
"It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and resolve all doubt."--Abraham Lincoln
"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact."--George Eliot
"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute."--Josh Billings
"There are very few people who don't become more interesting when they stop talking."--Mary Lowry
"Some man holdeth his tongue, because he hath not to answer: and some keepeth silence, knowing his time."--Ecclesiasticus 20:6
"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The most precious things in speech are pauses."--Ralph Richardson
"Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence."--Spanish proverb
"Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain."--Unknown
"Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken."--Orson Card
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."--Proverbs 16:24
"Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts."--Psalms 28:3
"But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;"--I Peter 1:15
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence."--Robert Frost
"A wise man thinks all that he says. A fool says all that he thinks."--Church bulletin board
"The first duty of love is to listen."--Paul Tillich, 1886-1965
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