 |
|
|
|
|
Parenting Strategy
SEARCH
DRINK
DISCOVER
DISCOVER
NO OPTIONS AND NO COMMANDS: This strategy is useful when it does not make sense to offer options and you want to avoid a conflict. This strategy avoids giving choices or options that are not real or that are artificial. False options can lead to conflicts as when you really only want one response or choice to be made. This strategy also avoids demands, commands, orders, and the power struggles they sometimes help foster.
WHAT DO I WANT?: First ask yourself what it is that you want your child to do. Express it clearly to yourself in behavioral or action terms. For example, "I want them to write only on the chalkboard and not the walls."
WHAT DO THEY WANT?: Now determine for yourself what your child wants in relation to writing on the chalkboard. For example, your child wants to have fun making pictures of houses.
HOW CAN YOU MAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT THEY WANT ONE THING?: Now combine what you want and what they want into one sentence that you can offer to them as a gift. This is the skill part of the strategy. Perfect practice makes perfect. For example, "You will have fun drawing houses on the chalkboard by keeping the houses on the chalk board and away from the walls."
FIRST ASK THEM IF WHAT THEY WANT IS WHAT YOU WANT: This is making what you want what they want so that there will be no resistance. "Do you want to draw pretty houses by keeping them on the chalkboard?"
OFFER THEM WHAT YOU WANT AS BEING WHAT THEY WANT TOO!: After they agree that that is what they want, then, and only then, offer it to them. If they do not agree, then reword your sentence until it is what they want. For example, "Okay I will let you have the fun of making and keeping houses centered on the chalkboard."
MORE EXAMPLES
"You don't want to get hurt and you do want to be careful while cutting that paper don't you?"
"You like to have fun with your brother and share toys don't you?"
"Would you like to keep your paper and crayons on the kitchen table while you color?"
"Would you like to play quietly with your dinosaurs on the floor while I make a phone call?"
"Would you like to take your new toy boat with you while you take a bath?"
Scripture: Parenting
QUOTATIONS VARIOUS SOURCES
"It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and resolve all doubt."--Abraham Lincoln
"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact."--George Eliot
"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute."--Josh Billings
"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."--Colossians 3:21
"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."--Ephesians 6:4
"For the Lord hath given the father honour over the children, and hath confirmed the authority of the mother over the sons."--Ecclesiasticus 3:2
"Some man holdeth his tongue, because he hath not to answer: and some keepeth silence, knowing his time."--Ecclesiasticus 20:6
"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The most precious things in speech are pauses."--Ralph Richardson
"Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence."--Spanish proverb
"Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain."--Unknown
"Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken."--Orson Card
"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders."--Abigail Van Buren
"If it's your job to relieve your child's frustration, then it's your child's job to annoy you."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."--Proverbs 16:24
"For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,"--II Timothy 3:2
"Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts."--Psalms 28:3
"And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children."--Isaiah 54:13
"But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;"--I Peter 1:15
"Children have more need of models than critics."--Joseph Joubert
"The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it."--Theodore Roosevelt
"A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not."--Anonymous
"Teach your children to put God first and to soothe themselves and you are a successful parent."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"The first duty of love is to listen."--Paul Tillich, 1886-1965
|
RELATED PAGES |
|
