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Kevin's 8 Rules for Parenting
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"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."--Colossians 3:21
1. Never argue with your children. Your arguing means they win. Does your boss argue with you? Why not?
2. Always stay calm when talking with your children to teach your children to cope with problems. Anyone can teach your children anger, whining, blaming, and damning. Let someone else model the wrong way for your children to respond to adversity.
3. Give your children equal doses of love and discipline: not just one or the other. If you got too much or too little of one or the other--do not then blindly do either the same or the opposite as most parents wind up doing. Instead, do both equally well.
4. Your job is to help your children find direction and self-control. Yes, it is even okay and a good idea to purposely frustrate your children--if your intention is to then help them to learn to problem-solve and cope with that frustration.
5. Motivate your children with life missions and-or service to God. Stop using ego (pride or shame), money (presents), or pleasures.
6. Don't don't. Use positive scripts, directions, expectations. Don'ts put the wrong idea into their heads NOT the right one. Dont's also can induce rebellious attitudes
7. Teach boundaries (individuation, separation, space) and reciprocity (ask-ask, give/take, want-for-want).
8. Teach your children emotional responsibility (ER). This empowers your children and ends the blame game.
Scripture: Parenting
QUOTATIONS ARGUING
"Arguing with your children lowers your position and raises theirs."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children demonstrates you are going to dance their dance."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children puts you on the defensive and your children on the offensive."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children ignores the fact that they are NOT struggling to understand but only to undermine."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children gives your children equal power and voice, which they don’t really have so this will cause resentments later."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children ignores the fact that their purpose is to gain power and control NOT truth."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing your children’s garbage convinces your children that you respect their garbage."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children gives credence to their position."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children proves you are going to dance with their position."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Arguing with your children shows a lack of understanding of the dynamics of arguing."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
QUOTATIONS VARIOUS SOURCES
"The best thing any parent can do for their children is to love their other parent."--A paraphrase of someone else's saying.
"A parent owes their children three things: example, example, example."--Anonymous
"Parenting is the only job you are guaranteed to fail at."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Paradoxically, even though parenting is the hardest and most important job there is, parenting is also the job with the least education, requirements, and training."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Allow children to be happy in their own way, for what better way will they find?"--Samuel Johnson
"Don't limit a child to your own learning, for he was born in another time."--Rabbinic saying
"Something you consider bad may bring out your child's talents; something you consider good may stifle them."--Chateaubriand
"Home ought to be our clearinghouse, the place from which we go forth lessoned and disciplined, and ready for life."--Kathleen Norris
"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary."--Dorothy Canfield Fisher
"If you want to work for world peace, go home and love your families."--Mother Teresa
"For the Lord hath given the father honour over the children, and hath confirmed the authority of the mother over the sons."--Ecclesiasticus 3:2
"Some man holdeth his tongue, because he hath not to answer: and some keepeth silence, knowing his time."--Ecclesiasticus 20:6
"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."--Ephesians 6:4
"Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."--Colossians 3:21
"Treat a man as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be, and he will become what he should be."--Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The most precious things in speech are pauses."--Ralph Richardson
"Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence."--Spanish proverb
"Foolishness always results when the tongue outraces the brain."--Unknown
"Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken."--Orson Card
"If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders."--Abigail Van Buren
"If it's your job to relieve your child's frustration, then it's your child's job to annoy you."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones."--Proverbs 16:24
"For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,"--II Timothy 3:2
"Draw me not away with the wicked, and with the workers of iniquity, which speak peace to their neighbours, but mischief is in their hearts."--Psalms 28:3
"And all thy children shall be taught of the LORD; and great shall be the peace of thy children."--Isaiah 54:13
"But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;"--I Peter 1:15
"Children have more need of models than critics."--Joseph Joubert
"The best leader is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it."--Theodore Roosevelt
"A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not."--Anonymous
"Teach your children to put God first and to soothe themselves and you are a successful parent."--Kevin Everett FitzMaurice
"A wise man thinks all that he says. A fool says all that he thinks."--Church bulletin board
"We proclaimed you sound when you were foolish in order to avoid taking part in the long, slow, slogging effort that is the only route to genuine maturity of mind and feeling. Thus, it was no small anomaly of your growing up that while you were the most indulged generation, you were also in many ways the most abandoned to your own meager devices by those into whose safe-keeping you had been given."--Midge Decter
"The first duty of love is to listen."--Paul Tillich, 1886-1965
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